dreamed I
was finally getting my own apartment
just me
it was my brother’s old building in Simcoe
but on a different floor
someone had died there but you would almost never know
from the renovations.

it was furnished and well-lit, lots of windows and a small
TV
there were original walnut floors but refurbished maybe, and floral couches and bed sheets and
I hadn’t signed the lease yet because

I could feel this pit

deepening in my stomach
I couldn’t live there alone
so sleepy, but knew I couldn’t sleep there.

unfinished crevices and golden
railings
the bathtub was nice but
something about it made my heart sink

into the widening pit.

you could see from the bedroom window
the old Main Street
it must have been autumn; like it is now.

the balcony was concrete; big enough to do yoga. I had my yellow mat with me.

I didn’t have much else,
I didn’t even have my dog.

I was starting to worry about finding an Airbnb

in time for dark
I was talking to the building manager in the lounge area and I think she was microwaving hot dogs for dinner there was a puddle of mustard on her plate
it was still orange outside

it must have been a September evening.

I met some f*ckboys who were also apartment hunting

and they made me feel better

but when we went back up my stuff was all over that apartment
I guess I thought I might crash there, just a quick rest on the couch, and be out before anyone could make sense of me ever being there in the first place.
I still hadn’t found a place to sleep

But then I woke up

I can’t wait to sit on your

couch again; it’s really comfortable.